What's the hardest part about getting older that no one ever talks about at all?

Excerpts From the Online Bulletin Board Quora

I'm 55, so it's safe to say I'm getting older. I've never was bothered by the passing of the years - and youth! But there are two things I never realized would bother me. First, children getting older. My son just turned 18, and I still can't believe it! Those years passed so fast - much faster than I ever realized they would, and I wish I could revisit his younger years. The second thing that you never hear about is death - the death of loved ones. People you loved, who were a big part of your childhood, pass away, and you are reminded of your own advancing age. My aunts and uncles have all passed, and my father passed 5 years ago. I miss them, especially my grandmother and father. I have been an adult for quite some time, but when those you love who were the adults when you were a child, who to a greater or lesser extent were responsible for keeping you safe and happy, are gone, the cold, hard reality of adulthood slaps you in the face, and you realize that your "safety net" is gone. Even if you haven't needed that safety net for many years, when it is taken away, and you feel very "alone". Watching your parents age. If you are lucky enough to still have good parents in your life, watching them age is no easy feat. They go from a pair of "all-knowing" infallible human beings while you are a child, to "know-it-all" tyrants who think they know what is best for you while in your teens. As the years progress, they eventually turn into your best friends and you wonder why your heart always held so much angst and rebellion towards their rules as you were growing up. Suddenly time accelerates and you find yourself needing to help your once mighty father do the simple things like mow the grass. In the eyes of your once stoic mother you begin to see doubt and fear. Once hardened faces slowly become softened, lined with wrinkles and wisdom. Steady hands begin to shake. A six-pack of beer in the fridge has been replaced by a multitude of prescription bottles on the dinner table. Next it dawns on you that this once proud and brave couple who groomed you into the person you are today, are now facing the end of their life cycle, the one constant unknown that we are all headed for at one time or another. Your emotions are mixed. Proud Sad Scared Compassionate You know as well as they do that one day, might be THE day, when good byes can no longer be spoken in person. And that is the scariest feeling in world. And meanwhile as you watch your parents grow frailer, you turn to see your kids eyes on you and realize, your fate is sealed just the same. Since posting this answer, I lost my mother to health complications. So to add to everything I posted above, I now also watch my dad learn to live life without my mother. This has been the MOST DIFFICULT part of the process and one in which I am still navigating. I have found that through this process, I have stopped being just a son and now can honestly say am also a best friend to my father. I hope to make what time he and I have left in the world as rememberable as possible. In closing, cherish your parents. One of the hardest aspects of getting older that often goes unspoken is the emotional and psychological shifts that come with aging. Here are a few key points Loss of Identity: As people age, they may find that their roles in life change—children grow up and leave home, careers evolve or end, and friendships may fade. This can lead to a sense of loss or confusion about one's identity. Regret and Reflection: Many individuals reflect on their life choices more deeply as they age. This can lead to feelings of regret over missed opportunities or unachieved dreams, which can be difficult to confront. Dealing with Loss: Aging often brings the experience of losing loved ones, which can create profound grief and loneliness. This emotional toll can be one of the hardest and most isolating aspects of growing older. Changing Relationships: As people age, relationships can shift significantly. Friends and family may not always be as available, or their dynamics may change, leading to feelings of isolation. Fear of Vulnerability: Aging can bring physical decline and health issues, which may lead to a fear of losing independence. This vulnerability can be a source of anxiety and frustration. Cultural Perceptions: Society often emphasizes youth and vitality, which can make older adults feel undervalued or invisible. This can affect self-esteem and how individuals view themselves. These emotional and social challenges are often overshadowed by more visible concerns like health or financial stability, but they play a crucial role in the aging experience. I am 64, but I still see myself as that athletic tough young man that feared very little. The world sees a 64 year old guy and in truth that is what I am. I can close my eyes and see myself running with speed, lifting heavy loads with no trouble. Now, things that I carried two or three at a time I carry one at a time. Unloading a car full of groceries is a few more trips. It is not just the weight of the the packages it is your balance. Even though I walk every day and lift weights at least three times a week it's just not the same. That truly is a hard part for me. My wife and I are high school sweethearts so in my minds eye we are forever 17. The truth is we are a young healthy 64, but lots of our friends are going home. My wife and I attended the same school from first grade through college. We know all of the same people even though we have been gone from our hometown for almost 40 years. We are both retired travel, all over and have a nice place at the beach. We have a great life, but when you hit this stage in life, it all seems to go so fast. Time speeds up when you are older, even as you slow down. Trust me on this because it's crazy. When we were fully engaged in our careers, and raising kids, life was so fast, that we felt we could hardly breathe at points in our life. Our goals seemed so far away and we never thought we would ever get there. But we did. Now life walks at a much slower pace, but time seems to fly by at warp speed. The seasons merge from one to the next at a sprinter's pace. Our kids are having kids and we are blessed to be a very close family. We want to be a good influence on our grandkids, but we don't pick the time or place. I remember when our parents retired and it seems like yesterday. They have all gone home and soon, even if we get a good 20 or 25 years, it will be our turn. It will seem like yesterday to our kids because in essence it was. One last thought. Age makes you realize that you wasted too much energy on things that did not matter. You can't get that time back or put it in a bottle, even though you wish you could. There comes a time when you do something for the last time. And you probably don't even realize it at the time. The last time you hold your child in your arms, the last time see your older uncle, the last time you run on the beach, the last time you ski, the last time time you get out of bed and the last time you take a breath. Take a moment to reflect on exactly what this means. Don't wait for future moments to bring happiness into your life. Your life is now. When people are in their thirties, they worry about losing their looks. In their fifties, they worry about losing capacities. By their seventies, people worry about losing everything - control, relationships, and their very lives. Aging is a series of losses. Personally, I think the hardest parts of getting older are found in the losses that people don't want to talk about. Loss of looks, loss of physical senses, loss of bodily control, loss of functional independence, loss of friends and family, loss of memory, loss of financial security, loss of purpose, loss of hope, loss of self - all of these can potentially creep into the lifelong passage we call aging. Some of these losses are easier to discuss than others. In addition, what one person may find easy to discuss can be an especially challenging topic for someone else. Cultural narratives about getting older often focus on the losses and rarely examine the gains. But a lot can be gained in getting older. If you really think about it, many of the gains stand opposite the losses mentioned above. Gain of independence, gain of friends and family, gain of memories, gain of financial security, gain of purpose, gain of hope, gain of self. I'd add gain of wisdom, gain of perspective, gain of appreciation of the present. We all benefit from open and honest discussions about getting older - the reality of aging reaches every one of us - and it's helpful to acknowledge the bad as well as the good. People talk about things like failing health, worrying about running out of money, etc, but here is something I don't hear talked about: You become irrelevant and invisible in society. The whole "OK Boomer!" dismissal is a perfect example of this. Those of us of a certain age are immediately dismissed just because of our age. This is a contrast from 100 years ago when elder were considered the Wise Ones. But nowadays, younger people (<45) are likely to write you off if you aren't up on all the latest apps (Tik Tok etc) or slang expressions that change almost daily. It was always like that (younger people snickered when older people didn't know the latest slang) but it changes much more quickly now, and the dismissal is more severe. One more thing - seeing people your age die. Even in your 40s, there will be folks from your high school/college who die of cancer or accidents, but in your 50s, people are dying more frequently and not always from "major" things like that, but heart attacks and diabetes. Running into somebody from high school and seeing how old they look, and realizing that you look that old to them, too. Or worse, running into somebody who was a few years YOUNGER than you in school, and seeing how old they look! It's hard to explain to younger folks, but we really do still mentally think of ourselves as we were in our prime - awith darker hair, more hair (if we're bald now), thinner, no wrinkles etc - and when something jolts us back to reality such as a photo, it is an unwelcome reality check. Then to be mocked or dismissed for being old, and realizing that younger generations aren't interested in what the world was like before they came along, is depressing. One more thing - trying to keep up with popular culture! Even those of us who used to fanatically follow all the current singers, movie stars, and TV celebs can very quickly get out of touch with who is "in" now. Doing crossword puzzles and knowing fewer and fewer of the celebrity answers is one sign. Also, hearing a song from 10 years ago, that we still think of as "new", be referred to as an "oldie goldie" by younger folks. And, realizing that our music from the 70s-80s is as old to young people now as music of the 1930s - 40s was to us then! For most of us, first we lose our grandparents. Nobody ever loves you like grandma loved you and you never get that back. So you have fifty years to remind yourself that you could have seen them more often. Then aunts and uncles start dying off. If you are not totally brain dead you hang around with your parents a bit more. And one day you wake up and realize your parents are gone. You're an orphan. Maybe there's a little inheritance but after you split it with your siblings it's not that much. You realize if you in a financial problem now, you have to get yourself out. And what happens if your kids get in a jam? Who goes to the bank then? I better take this financial planning stuff seriously. Go to a high school reunion and see how many of your classmates died since the last one. Maybe bury a spouse or, God forbid, a child. I am a happy guy, mostly. This answer makes it sound like all I think about is dying. It's not, but neither is it very far from my mind. I don't understand why anyone wants to live to be a hundred. I am not ready to check out yet, but it does seem like I am nearing my share of funerals.